Calling It Quits
by OfPearlsAndShoelaces
Summary: Kate tells Josh it's over. It's the  very angsty  breakup scene we never got to see! One- shot. Rated T for a teensy bit of language.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle :(**

**A/N: I have to start by saying that Castle has a team of amazing writers, but we fans (especially shippers) are often frustrated by the pace and direction of the show, so I've made it my personal mission to re-write some of those key scenes that we never got to see, or were disappointed/frustrated by. The Kate/ Josh break up scene is one of them. It's also an attempt to justify why Kate didn't contact Castle for 3 months after the shooting.**

**We never got a good look at Josh. He was in the way entirely too often, but we still don't know all that much about him. I really didn't know how to characterize him, so I took my inspiration from his scenes in Rise. Enjoy!**

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><p>Calling It Quits<p>

Kate was sitting up in bed. She had 2 days left in the hospital, the doctor had told her. Two whole days. She'd been there for weeks, so she could manage that. Two days, and she'd be free. Free to take some time off and free to escape those unwanted sympathetic looks that she'd been receiving from her visitors. She was so tired of visitors. She just wanted to be alone, but no one seemed to understand that. It was awful, sitting there weak and vulnerable, while she made small talk with her friends. Ryan and Esposito had come a few times, and so had Lanie, but they all seemed to understand that Kate was not up for visitors. Their meetings had been brief and awkward, neither party knowing exactly what to say to the other.

Her dad came regularly. He was really the only person she wanted to see, because he didn't try to force her into conversation. He always brought two newspapers. One for himself and one for Kate, and they sat in together in comfortable silence, occasionally discussing an interesting article or comparing the latest game statistics.

It was worst when Josh came. He came to see Kate every chance he got during his lunch hour, his breaks, and at the end of his shifts. He always sat by her bed, holding her hand, and trying to cheer her up. Kate knew that he could tell something was off with her, but also that he attributed it to the shooting. But it wasn't just the shooting; that was only half of it. The problem was that she didn't want to be with him anymore. She had realized that as soon as Richard Castle walked out the door all those weeks ago.

Really though, if she were being honest with herself, she had known for a while that she and Josh just weren't in love. She'd been holding on to this nowhere relationship for too long, and it was time to break it off.

Only she couldn't bring herself to do it until she had been discharged from the hospital. She couldn't stomach the thought of sitting here, in this bed, telling him it was over. She wanted to be able to stand up and face him. She had to be able to explain, to justify this to him, because she was going to hurt him deeply, she knew that. He had been so devoted to her these past few weeks, yet she wanted nothing more than to be free of him.

Two days. That's all she had left. Two days, and it would be over. The thought soothed her, oddly enough. It calmed her as she scooted down in the bed and rested her head on the pillows to take a nap.

When she woke, Josh was there. He was sitting quietly next to her bed, deeply engrossed in one of her old newspapers, and he hadn't yet realized that she was awake. Her stomach twisted into a knot as she saw her own face on the front page. Her dad had refused to even bring her that particular issue at first, but she had forced him to do it. When he brought it to her, however, she hadn't been able to read it. Kate had taken one look at the headline, her own face, and the photo of the ghostly white tombstones that had haunted her dreams since the shooting, and stuffed it in a pile of old papers next to her bed where it had lain untouched. Until now, that was. Now it was in Josh's hands, and the sight of it sent her over the edge.

Seeing that newspaper brought her back. It took her right back to that horrific day when everything had changed. The shot rang in her ears, the pain burned through her chest, and those words. _His_ words, echoed inside her head. _Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate._ A mixture of grief and anger welled up inside her, and she hated Josh at that moment for bringing back all that she had tried so hard to suppress. She couldn't stand it anymore, not for another second, and certainly not for two more days.

Knowing what she was about to do, Kate steeled herself as she began to sit up in the bed. Josh immediately put the paper down on the nightstand, her photo still facing up, and moved closer to adjust her pillows.

"Hey," he said. "I didn't realize you were awake," and then he kissed her forehead. She cringed inwardly at his kiss, and at his hand lingering along her jawline. This wasn't going to be easy. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to look away from her own face in the paper. Away from the tombstones, one of which was so nearly hers.

"So, how are you feeling?" Josh asked her, concern in his eyes.

"I'm fine," she managed to say, giving him a very small, very forced smile. Nevertheless, he smiled back and kept going.

"So, two days, huh? We should make some plans for when they finally spring you; maybe we could go out for a nice dinner. You've got to be sick of hospital food, and we could-"

"Josh," Kate cut him off. He stopped and looked at her, raising his eyebrows.

"What?" he said, an edge of concern to his voice, as he took in the troubled look on her face. "What's wrong?" Kate took another deep breath before she looked squarely into his eyes and said,

"I can't do this anymore."

He looked confused.

"What? Kate, you've only got two days left here, it's not that long," he said. Oh, god. He didn't get it. He was going to make this difficult. She sighed, and continued.

"I know, but I mean… I can't do _this_ anymore," she said, gesturing between the two of them. "I can't do _us_ anymore." He looked at her, shocked.

"What do you mean, _you can't do us?"_ he said, a note of confusion in his voice, and his brows knitted together.

"Josh, I- I just think it would be better if we, you know, stopped seeing each other," she said as she watched the beginnings of disbelief and anger distorting his features.

"No, Kate, I don't know," he said, his bitter voice raising. "Where the hell is this coming from?"

"Josh, please don't make a scene," Kate hissed. The nearest nurse had paused and looked up from her clipboard, cocking her head toward his ascending voice. "Please, just let me explain."

"Explain what?" he said, still angry, though slightly quieter. "I was there for you, Kate! I helped save your life! And now all of the sudden…" he trailed off and she saw the bewilderment and hurt etched all over his features. Kate bit her lip and said,

"Josh, come on, we both knew it was coming. I mean, you're always gone and I'm always busy, and we- we just aren't in love. Josh, I don't love you. I'm sorry." A lump was beginning to form in Kate's throat. This was exactly why she had refrained from doing this here in the first place, but she was too far past the point of return, so she forced herself to swallow the lump. She wouldn't let him see her cry.

Josh was still digesting what she had said.

"No," he said finally. "No. That's not why you're doing this. We knew going into this that we're both busy, that we both have demanding jobs, but we decided it didn't matter. No. You're doing this because of _him_, aren't you?" Kate knew instantly what he meant. He was talking about Castle. She didn't respond, but the tortured, guilty look on her face gave her away. He put his head in his hands, running his fingers through his hair.

"You didn't come to the funeral," she said to him, partly to change the subject, and partly to give an explanation. Josh looked at her incredulously.

"What? Kate, I offered to go with you! I asked you if you wanted me to go, and you said it didn't matter!" he said.

"Yeah, well, it did matter," she snapped. "It _does_ matter, but you just don't get it. You should have known how important that was to me. You shouldn't have had to _ask_ me, you should have just taken a damn day off, but god forbid you _ever_ do that! He was my Captain. My _friend_, but that doesn't matter to you. I wasn't going to force you to go with me, and you chose not to."

"Wow, Kate," he said, putting his head in his hands, defeated. He paused for a moment before looking back up at her. "You know, I'm the one who's been here for you every day that you've been in here. Every damn day, Kate! Me. Not him!" Oh god, they were back to Castle again. Josh's voice was getting steadily louder once more, but she didn't stop him; it was all she could do to keep the freshly formed lump in her throat from raising any further. He kept going.

"He's been here, what? Once? One damn time, and you still go for him!"

"Josh, stop. This has nothing to do with Cas-" He cut her off.

"The hell it doesn't! I'm not blind, you know, I've seen the way he looks at you. And he was _there for you_ at the funeral, wasn't he? Just like he was there for you when he started this whole damn mess!" He gestured to her chest where, underneath the hospital gown, the angry, red scar was nestled between her breasts. But Kate had had enough.

"Josh, stop it! This has nothing to do with Richard Castle. This is about you and me, and we're not right for each other. I don't love you," she repeated the last phrase, hoping it would finally make him get it.

Josh was slowly shaking his head, a grimace on his face.

"Whatever you say, Kate. Just tell me one thing. Do you love _him_?" Josh stared at Kate, his eyes boring into hers, begging for the truth. Again she couldn't respond, but the pain in her eyes said it all, and Josh had his answer. He seemed to accept defeat.

"Fine," he said, standing up from the chair next to her bed. "Fine. I'll see you around then, Kate." With that, he stormed away from her and out the door.

The scene was over, and the eavesdropping nurse glanced back at Kate for a moment before turning back to her clipboard.

Kate leaned her head back against her pillows and closed her eyes. She knew that she should have called out after him. She should have apologized again, tried to explain again, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. All she felt as he had stomped away was relief. Pure, sweet, sweeping relief. They were over, and she was free.

But then she opened her eyes and spotted the newspaper again, right where Josh had left it on her table. Her own face and the ghostly white tombstones were still glaring up at her from the page, bringing back the memories once again, and she realized that she wasn't free. Free from Josh, maybe, but not from the rest of it. Not from the sniper, not from her mother's case, and not from Castle.

Kate wrenched her gaze away from the paper, rolled onto her side, and closed her eyes once more. Two days, that's all she had left. Two days, and she could escape from all of it.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading! Please Let me know what you thought in the reviews! Constructive criticism is welcome. I'm also open to any suggestions for another fic like this, of a scene that we fans just didn't get to see or were disappointed by. Let me know if you have any ideas!**


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